Category: Road Life

What Life on the road as a truck driver is really like!

Oh so you want…..

by RoachKiller

To know what Houston is like right now? The highway is slushy for the most part! They are NOT deicing the bridges! Big, long, small, short, they are being left as is and they are slick as fuck!

Surface roads are slush, other than that driving through Houston is like driving through a big town on Xmas day…..

Oh and everything, and I mean everything is closed!

P.s. as of typing this it has begun snowing again! Very lightly but yes it’s snowing! Temp is 30°’s and maintaining!

This is what it looked like into Conroe from the rest area at the 124 on I-45…..

Like Xmas morning, awwww! Or the day after a hurricane…. Awwwww

How do you know…..

by RoachKiller

When you work for a company filled with trucker tarded?

You pull into the fuel island at the terminal and they have removed the clickers on the fuel handles. So you physically have to stand there and fill up the tank while you hold the handle. And yet there is still fuel all over the Ground!

That’s when you know, your company has hired a shit load of trucker tarded!

I’m guessing saying “praise sweet baby Jesus” isn’t gonna fix that batch of stupid…..

Don’t be…..

by RoachKiller

Jelly ladies, I’m white with a good job and a penis that works well…..

I’m still waiting for manopause so I can stop shaving this fucking beard!

Talk about crazy……

by RoachKiller

The place I picked up at yesterday. Closed at 15:00 so everyone could go home and enjoy mlk day today!

So I hauled ass and got that at like 13:00. So I check in and they tell me to drop over in lot z! So I head on over there and that lot is packed! Except 1 Werner driver pulling out and a company driver I was assuming was waiting for the spot!

So when the company driver doesn’t move I ask him, “ hey you gunna back in there?”

Then he proceeds to tell me, “ no! They told me they are not printing any bills today! So I’m waiting for another load! Roflmao!

Of course I don’t believe these “ over qualified drivers!” So I drop my empty in that spot and rather than grab my loaded. I head to the office to confirm no bills!

I tell the shipping clerk what I was told and her exact words were, “ Jesus Christ that bald guy moves fast!”

What she told him was, “if his trailer wasn’t loaded by 1500 there would be no bills ready until Tuesday when they opened back up!“ “ if it was loaded before then, she could print them out and send him on his way!” The cutoff for everything was 15:00….

So as I giggled my way to my loaded trailer, I hooked, got my bills and got the fuck out of trucker tarded town…..

Bwoop bwoop, see ya!

This years frozen……

by RoachKiller

Windshield wiper fluid reservoir fix!

this one was a motherfucker! The washer fluid froze somewhere down there in New Mexico when it was -8°. So I did my ritual throw in a little bit of rubbing alcohol and that should be that.

No, It didn’t do a fucking thing! So to remedy this, I had to stop and buy 2 pint size bottles or quart size bottles of rubbing alcohol from Wally world. A new gallon of off the shelf washer fluid. And a gallon of 2020 mixed with water and a small hint of antifreeze, small drip.

So I had to pour a full quart of rubbing alcohol into the fresh bottle of washer fluid. A Drop of antifreeze with alcohol into the gallon of water in 2020.

Now, finally after almost a week of no washer fluid, I finally have a fucking washer fluid!

Praise, sweet baby Jesus…..

PS to you drivers going the other way. Yes that is ice all over the side of this trailer and snow all over the back of the trailer and the white stuff on the tractor is left over from when I ran over that meth dealer couple weeks ago…..

Why do you……

by RoachKiller

Even bring up Breakdown pay or shop pay? The company goes out of their way to not pay you that!

Instead, what they do is they give you 24 to maybe 48 hours and then they tell you “ oh, you either take this temporary truck, which is probably a bigger pile of shit than the one that is being worked on. Or lose your Breakdown or shop pay! Wich either way they stop paying you breakdown shop pay…..!”

My experience is the shop will hold your truck up until they have to start paying you even if it’s not done. Throw it back together and tell you it’s finished.

So my question to you, bossman/management why the fuck do you even offer it?

I just remembered……

by RoachKiller

Who that guy was I saw back in New Mexico. That was the guy whose truck smells like dog shit.

I called him dog shit truck guy. Well it’s nice to see He decided to let his hair grow back after you had to shave it or I’m guessing to avoid a dirty drug test…..

How are….

by RoachKiller

All you worthless whores of the Internet and trucking industries doing today?

Did y’all get that cooter picture up on your only fans page yet? Because we all know those desperate truck drivers really wanna see your fucking cooter!

And yet NONE of my ladies AND THAT GAY DUDE have to sell themselves on social media…..

Yet you and your porn pimp have to. That should tell you what type of quality you and your porn pimp are……

Anyone say whiskey, tango…..

Uh pookie…..

by RoachKiller

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but pretty much anywhere you go this week leads to snow and cold!

So thinking you got one up on me is seriously fucking trucker tarded…..

Roflma! Just kicken back watchen the show…..

And y’all are putting in the extra effort to make this a damn good show!

Enjoying your free…..

by RoachKiller

Master class, on how to drive on ice and snow empty?

You got to witness some wind forced sliding, jackknifing! all while you were riding my ass, motherfucker!

I’m guessing that riding my ass thing is why you’re in your pick up truck and not in an 18 wheeler? Huh?

Once you get past that so far great…..

Well god damn…..

by RoachKiller

I pulled into the truck stop yesterday during a white out. If I can’t see the road I ain’t going!

So I sit for a few hours and it didn’t get much better!

Normally I would have tried to hoof it over the mountain. Yet I’m on an unfamiliar route. Pulling unfamiliar gear and empty ta boot!

So I wake up this am and look at the road cameras. It looks exactly the same as it did yesterday except with this cool new glaze atop the roads.

So I decided rather than risk it. I’ll wait till first light and head out! I mean it is 1 degree here right now! It’s not like anything is going to melt!

Odd thing is, I notified dispatch multiple times I ain’t going to make this pre plan they have me on. According to them it has to be picked up by 1400 as that’s when the shipper closes! Yet I still await an unpreplan notification!

Oddly I have been waiting on that too since yesterday…..

I’m not a gay…..

by RoachKiller

But I know quality when I drive it! I bought that Subaru Impreza in 2022! Why? Cus I wanted a car that could handle a good snow / ice storm! one that I would be comfortable with my family driving during inclement weather…..

Price wise it was cheaper than everything else I looked at! Not only is it awd but the thing does killer on ice and snow! I ended up paying $23,000 including all my add ons warranty and the aftermarket rims!

For times like this!

Oh silly goose……

by RoachKiller

Not everybody has the work ethic like I do. I get that, I wish those people the best of luck in everything they do.

Yet those people who seem to like to fuck with people likevme because I can run those kind of miles safely and as close to legal as possible….

Those are the ones I’m shitting on every fucking day.

I have a long-standing rule, I don’t fuck with anybody until they fuck with me! At that point, I take off the gloves, and I will gladly cunt punch any one of them!

So to those who are happy with what they are doing, congratulations! Those who are unhappy with what they’re doing, that feels the need to take it out on someone like me. I’m just out here to do my fucking job and go the fuck home to people. I actually give a shit about……

See ya…..

It’s like when I first started here back in 2002. I was sitting up there at pampers in Utah and another company geriatric showed up and began to tell me his life story while we waited.

You know who I’m talking about he had black hair had prostate cancer like 14 times. In my eyes, he was a real piece of shit. I think he also had a kid adult kid with a severe adult acne problem?

Anyway, after I finally got this fucker off of telling me his life fucking story. He proceeded to tell me in a very threatening way that he expected to make $40,000 a year! And he would do whatever he had to do to get that. Which he insinuated he would fuck with another driver‘s equipment or load.

That was three months after I started with this company! That should tell you what sort of low rent cocksuckers I’ve had to deal with here last 23 fucking years.

All I can say to that dude and his family if he’s not still alive! Your dad was a piece of shit,and his God finally sent him to where he belongs! Hopefully He’s burning in the crimson pit of hell right now……

He earned it!

My oldest daughter is….

by RoachKiller

Funny! I texted her before I went to Costco at another state yesterday. Asked if there’s anything I should look for that. She’s having a hard time finding Back home.

She asked me to find her some Wagyu slabs of beef. I said OK and I couldn’t find it so I asked one of the employees. They said that’s not something they carry. Because even that is a little pricey for Costco.

But when she was in Japan, she had horse meat tar tar! She said it was the greatest thing she had ever eaten the way they prepared it over there.

So back to the Wagyu, since I couldn’t find it in the store I went online to see if they had it there. I don’t know about you but $999 for a slab of Wagyu beef. It’s just a wee bit out of my “ I’ll pay you back” range of favors.

Especially since I was going to have to freeze it in the truck fridge after I chipped away all the ice and got the shit that’s been in there for a month out….

giggle giggle giggle!

You’re right drivers…..

by RoachKiller

I’m obviously not nearly as qualified of a truck driver is all you. I don’t have nearly as many accident and close call stories as y’all have.!

I don’t even have any good. I was in the ditch stories.

Maybe Someday I could become a real truck driver like y’all! Maybe someday I’ll have all these fucking wreck stories and shit like that…..

But after 30 years of being out here, I only have a handful of good fucking stories. I’ll just keep doing what I do and you just keep doing what you do and neither shall our-paths meett……

I’d also guess the reason I’ve seen so many of you high-quality road trolls is cause you got a recent story of being in the ditch or wrecking huh?

Cause I found that people that have a whole shit load of good wreck stories that are recent. Make some of the best road trolls. Because you seem to have the time……

I’ve also found that people like you, road trolls have a major dislike for people like me. You know not a road troll that actually knows how to drive.

I’m guessing that’s why I spent so many years calling people like you CUNTS!