Category: Road Life

What Life on the road as a truck driver is really like!

It’s so nice to see….

by RoachKiller

Y’all gave up your CDL so you can smoke pot! How responsible of you….. too bad you had to have all those wrecks before realizing you’re not a fucking truck driver!

Sometimes I love doing that…..

by RoachKiller

I’ll make a wrong turn and sometimes I have to turn around head back to where I started and when I get back on the road, I’ll see your psychotic smiling faces that used to be behind me now passing me going the other way.

It actually warms my heart to know exactly how important I am to you people…..

Even though it is illegal, and quite psychotic, still warms my heart. Knowing I am that fucking important to you a complete stranger!

Nobody I would ever run into or even wanna know in life. Yeah here you are, I’m the reason you wake up in the morning, the reason you hop in your car and drive around aimlessly! It really warms my heart……

To the point I almost wanna say I am the equivalent of your God…..

Now I know what rock ‘n’ roll stars deal with!

I’ll pray to sweet baby Jesus in your people’s honor, amen!

Now send me your tithe money, I gave you my attention for a few minutes!

Well since…..

by RoachKiller

I obviously can’t roll with this weight. Looks my reset plans have been canceled! As I had to go back to the shipper for a rework!

On a good note, I dreamed last night! Rarely do I have dreams I remember. Let alone dreams on the road! Usually my sleep isn’t that deep or quality rem…..

I will say, I still don’t understand why when I have sex dreams. None of the women other than my old lady, have heads! Meaning I never see anything above the neck?

They all have killer bodies though! 😉

6 hour wait…..

by RoachKiller

Overted! Thank you cockroach for leaving your shit for someone else to deal with…..

It ain’t perfect but for a road repair that’s damn good!

Usually I find a discarded mud flap! Unfortunately they were all plowed up during the recent snow storm…..

Yo punk ass bitch…..

by RoachKiller

To the driver and the lovely young lady that walked by my truck today at my last delivery.

To the driver, dude I got nothing to say to you. I’ve seen 1 million of you come and go! you know everything yet you know absolutely nothing!

To your lovely mulatto girlfriend/wife I’ll tell you to run! Run is far away from that motherfucker as you can! I’m sure he’s promised you the world but he’ll only take you as far as the edge of the neighborhood! Run for your fucking life! you can do 10 times better…..

Anyone tell me…..

by RoachKiller

Why I keep picking up trailers with Schaefer blue streaked down the side somewhere?

It’s like back in the day when this company was good you go into a shipper or a receiver and you find red paint or blue paint all over one of the walls somewhere like what the fuck is that all about?

Just think newbie…..

by RoachKiller

If that trainer you idolize actually spent more time training you. Rather than teaching you how to stalk good drivers pulling none placarded hazmat loads.

You wouldnt be spending your money on gas and mileage for that pile of shit car you own…..

Just saying, good truck driver trainers are had to find! You didn’t find one…..

You did find one hell of an asshat, though…..

Do you feel…..

by RoachKiller

That in your need to be important the people you canceled in turned canceled you?

More than likely, you canceled yourself.. …

Don’t look at me, I I hate everybody exactly the same. And I sure the fuck ain’t gonna take my time to cancel you! We’re too busy trying to prepare your stay at your local penitentiary….

I dunno…..

by RoachKiller

I had training on this like 3+ years ago! It wasn’t until recently this thing actually started working!

Then of course it shortly goes back to this bullshit!

I just drive the truck mother fucker! Nine times out of ten, I’m guessing on most this shit! Considering I had training on it 3 fucking years ago and until recently I didn’t actually use it…..

My guess either I don’t need to do this for this delivery or it’s still hooked to US Express? Whom I’m guessing was actually supposed to take this load but didn’t…..

Someday I wish……

by RoachKiller

I could be a professional truck driver! I worked here for coming up on 23 years. I had to become an asshole very quickly in order to survive……. in this snake pit of incompetent assholes…….

I had zero…..

by RoachKiller

Interest in checking out your old lady dude! I was more curious as to where I’ve seen your jacket before? A gray leather jacket that says, pro bull riders association.

I’ve seen that jacket before and the Rolodex in my head is still working on it!

But the person you might want to impress with your old lady, is that clerk! He was checking out her ass like hes never seen anything like it before.

I had zero interest in your old lady because I don’t dig leather skin chicks.. to each his own ….

Especially once that just by sticking my dick in would rip them in half…..

So driver…..

by RoachKiller

Are your hemorrhoids flaring up? I’m looking to get laid and your ass is looking kinda cute today…..

Personally, I plan on getting a piece whether you like it or not!

I would go for the skull fuck but you still have some of your teeth…..

Call me a silly goose……

by RoachKiller

But I do believe the two days where I pick up three hours each day. Would be the opportune time to get service done! Don’t you think?

Oh, that’s right I’m the only one that can see that far in advance…

So you calling me a silly goose has been nulled….

Anyone else…..

by RoachKiller

Confused how do you limit your liability by outsourcing to a third-party? When your “good guys” have full access to each unit?

I don’t give up……

by RoachKiller

My road recipes that often! This here is a kid favorite that they no longer make. Yet I found a substitute that taste exactly the same.

Years ago, Wally world used to sell a frozen version of this. It was a simple heat and serve. Everything was pre-cooked. You just had to heat it up in a skillet. This was a favor of my kids that we would eat all the time out here on the road.. It was simple to fix and the kids loved it…..

This stuff taste exactly like the frozen stuff. Here is my recipe. A simple recipe that was so good……

I made two boxes of this and here were the measurements of what I used.

I cooked 1 pound of ground turkey. Then for the liquids, I poured in 1, 17 ounce bottle of water.and 2 1/2 larger size solo cups of milk. I brought all that as the two boxes of mix to a boil. Stirring occasionally, then landing simmer for about 10 to 15 minutes. When all the liquid was about gone. I let it sit for another 5 to 6 minutes to thicken up before serving!

The shit was fantabulous! It made enough for a good dinner and tomorrow’s lunch…..

It’s so sad……

by RoachKiller

I stopped at the yard again today get fuel before I went and picked up. And I’m sitting there getting fuel and another one of those white haired overly groomed. Geezers pulls up next to me. Normally I wouldn’t notice or give a shit but he was standing there staring at me with his dilated eyes, creepy as fuck like usual!

And I’m like well, OK, I’m not gonna talk to him because I know he’s fucking suffering from early onset mental retardation.

I would ask him and drivers like him. why are they not wearing their lady hair when they’re at work?

I don’t understand why? they can drive by in their personal vehicles with their dick in their hand and their lady hair on. Yet at work, they can’t wear their lady hair.

I’m sure they have their dick in their hands, that’s obvious. But why are they so afraid to show all the other employees here that they are lady boys or more appropriately, lady old guys.

It’s sad, I don’t know. Ive already put too much thought into this today. I just don’t understand why they’re so ashamed to let the rest of the company know that they are gay old dudes! To scared to tell everyone they want to be women. I don’t get it……

Is it because you live down south? Is it because you’re afraid your homeboys won’t understand your homosexual tendencies? Is it because they will think less of you as a Republican and a Trump follower? I don’t care…… and if they do, that’s their fucking problem!